Tuesday November 1, 2011 is the day that I take the first steps towards making a dream come true. A dream I have had since I was a child was writing a book. It was also a dream that I gave up over the past year of illness. My illnesses became a thief and stole my dreams.
Fellow blogger and friend Deb of The ABC's of RA reminded me of the importance of having dreams. Two dreams that I have had since I was a child are 1) To write a book and 2) Travel - Hawaii and the most recent is to get my kids to Disney while they are young enough to be in awe of all it has to offer.
When I first rediscovered my dreams it was with pain. I realized that with my current limitations they were going to be next to impossible. Or were they? Where there is a will there is a way. It required some creative thinking. So I got creative and here is what I learned.
I have looked into the travel and we can do a two week Disney Cruise to Hawaii...pretty cool way to experience both at the same time. The magic of Disney in a way that I will better be able to manage with my limitations. There are activities for the kids that are run by the Disney staff. They will have an amazing time that is not dependent on what I am able to do each day. It will not involve walking, walking and more walking as it would if we went to the parks. I can also use a wheelchair or scooter on the cruise if it is needed. I am so excited by this new information. We are saving up for the cruise and I have to tell you it is very cool to have something to work towards making it a reality rather than that wistful longing and not doing anything to get us there. My dreams are only dead if I allow it and I refuse to give up my dreams!!
Writing a book is more of a challenge. My hand deformities and pain limit the amount of typing that I can do. A quick e-mail to my brother the tech wizard and I was advised of the speech recognition software by Nuance - Dragon Naturally Speaking. I will be able to speak and have the computer do the typing for me. This is supposed to be the best on the market so I have ordered and now wait on delivery. Not only will this allow me to achieve my goal of writing a book but it will also make my job much easier. No more typing long e-mails that bring tears to my eyes and take 5x longer than they used to.
I went back through previous blogs and found a contest that I had been interested in but put aside due to the problems with my hands. November 1 - 30th, 2011 is National Novel Writing Month. The challenge is to complete a 50,000 word novel within this time frame. You update your word count through out the month (scrambled so that you don't have to worry about plagiarism) and are considered a winner if you meet the 50,000 words. I have signed up for this contest :) Half the battle is proving to myself that I can indeed write a novel. My problem of course is I have no idea what to write about. I had a few ideas that I was working on months ago but I am in such a different place I feel the need to go a different direction. Essentially I have until Monday night to come up with the topic for my book if nothing else. It would be nice to have an outline going in to the contest but I have read enough about these contests to know that most people toss out their outlines fairly early in the process.
For the first time in a year I have a feeling of being alive. I could get used to this feeling!
What are your dreams? What are you doing to make them a reality?
Wishing everyone a Happy Halloween Weekend!
© 2011 Rhonda
Showing posts with label Contest. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Contest. Show all posts
Friday, October 28, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Dreams
On Wednesday October 5th one of my favourite blog authors Deb from the ABC's of RA wrote a blog called Hocus, Pocus, Refocus! I'll wait right here while you read this brilliant blog and then we can continue!
Welcome back...told you it was a very worthwhile read :-)
Deb really hit the nail on the head. October 2010 is when my health started to fall apart. Then I had the first two weeks of January where I thought finally things were turning around. Little did I know that I had two weeks to enjoy the last bit of "health" I will have for a long time. Since mid January I have been ill. Desperately looking for what was wrong. Reminding myself daily that the chronic pain, fatigue and a myriad of other strange occurrences were untreated. If I could just get a diagnosis things would go back to normal. I WOULD get my life back. It took 10 months and I had all three diagnosis. For those of you who are new to my blog they are: Hashimotos Thyroiditis, Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid Arthritis. The hashimotos was promising a single pill a day and my thyroid would function normally...awesome...but I was wrong. My Dr. knew what I refused to believe that there was much more to this. 2 months later the Fibromyalgia was diagnosed. I have a family history of FMS so knew what I was in for. I was a little deflated but knew again with meds it could be managed for the most part. Then RA was diagnosed....that was 2.5 months ago.
Illness has taken over my life. First it was figuring out what was wrong, then treating what is wrong and the medications make me feel worse than I did to start. I am still not feeling any better. My life as I have known it for the past 40 years was over. But life was supposed to begin at 40...didn't my body get that memo?
Medication, Dr's appointments, tests and medication refills is what my life has become. Every single thing I choose to do in a day has a cost associated to it. Learning the economics of Chronic Illness has become my new reality. I am slowly learning to understand this new and uncooperative body of mine. I am learning to adjust daily activities to allow me to get the most done in a single day. Sadly most days I can commit to getting just a couple of small things done. Most days getting up and making my bed takes all the energy I have. Making kids lunches and getting them ready and out the door to school exhausts me. Once they are off, I log into work from my computer and make sure nobody is looking for me and then I curl up on the couch and rest while keeping half an eye on work. I now take showers only when my husband is home to help me in and out and of course to wash and condition my hair as I can no longer squeeze shampoo bottles. I keep saying I need to put my shampoo etc. into pumps...but I stay as far away from stores as possible. The walking (honestly less of walking more like shuffling), the looks from people who see a young woman with nothing visibly wrong (you would actually have to look closer than passersby bother to give) but clearly in immense pain, limping, shuffling along with her cane or leaning on a buggy for support. I would rather not go through that and don't for the most part. My husband does 99% of all of the shopping.
Speaking of shopping Christmas is just around the corner and it brings tears to my eyes. The overwhelming thought of trying to get all of my shopping done...sigh. I guess this year we will be trying out on-line shopping and hoping for the best. Oops sorry for the diversion but my daughter comes by her ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) naturally!
Somewhere in the past year living stopped. Yes, technically I still breath and I am alive but I am watching life pass by with me as a bystander rather than an active participant. When my diagnosis took the wind out of my sails and my life became about learning how to live in a body that was no longer to be counted on I got lost along the way. My dreams were gone, I threw my hands in the air and focused on just getting through the day usually focused on getting through each individual hour minute by minute. I didn't consciously think of my dreams again until October 5th when Deb's blog reduced me to tears.
I have had a difficult few weeks since Deb's post. I have added being sick to my stomach daily which drains the life right out of me. At first I thought I caught a bug but since it does not get worse and the symptoms can be accounted for by active RA and medication side effects I am beginning to think I am wrong. Off to see the Dr. soon to get his opinion. I just have to find the energy to make that appointment. During this time I did however have time to think. Rather than feeling sorry for myself I focused on two things 1) Coming to terms with my diagnosis' which I will share with you in another blog. 2) What were my dreams? Are they still my dreams? What do I have to change to make those dreams possible even with my current limitations?
While I am still figuring out some things, there is one thing I do know. One must have dreams, ambitions and a purpose to life. We all need a reason to get up each and every day. My reason for living is my family: my husband, my children, my parents, my brother. One of my dreams was to work on completing a novel. There is a contest that begins November, the goal: to complete a novel in 30 days. I think it is time for me to find the links again and outline my novel and be ready to go in November. :)
A heart felt thanks to Deb for reminding me that although this is not the life I had planned on living it doesn't mean my life is not worth living! What are you dreams? What makes you get out of bed each and every day to face the world no matter how you are feeling?
© 2011 Rhonda
Welcome back...told you it was a very worthwhile read :-)
Deb really hit the nail on the head. October 2010 is when my health started to fall apart. Then I had the first two weeks of January where I thought finally things were turning around. Little did I know that I had two weeks to enjoy the last bit of "health" I will have for a long time. Since mid January I have been ill. Desperately looking for what was wrong. Reminding myself daily that the chronic pain, fatigue and a myriad of other strange occurrences were untreated. If I could just get a diagnosis things would go back to normal. I WOULD get my life back. It took 10 months and I had all three diagnosis. For those of you who are new to my blog they are: Hashimotos Thyroiditis, Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid Arthritis. The hashimotos was promising a single pill a day and my thyroid would function normally...awesome...but I was wrong. My Dr. knew what I refused to believe that there was much more to this. 2 months later the Fibromyalgia was diagnosed. I have a family history of FMS so knew what I was in for. I was a little deflated but knew again with meds it could be managed for the most part. Then RA was diagnosed....that was 2.5 months ago.
Illness has taken over my life. First it was figuring out what was wrong, then treating what is wrong and the medications make me feel worse than I did to start. I am still not feeling any better. My life as I have known it for the past 40 years was over. But life was supposed to begin at 40...didn't my body get that memo?
Medication, Dr's appointments, tests and medication refills is what my life has become. Every single thing I choose to do in a day has a cost associated to it. Learning the economics of Chronic Illness has become my new reality. I am slowly learning to understand this new and uncooperative body of mine. I am learning to adjust daily activities to allow me to get the most done in a single day. Sadly most days I can commit to getting just a couple of small things done. Most days getting up and making my bed takes all the energy I have. Making kids lunches and getting them ready and out the door to school exhausts me. Once they are off, I log into work from my computer and make sure nobody is looking for me and then I curl up on the couch and rest while keeping half an eye on work. I now take showers only when my husband is home to help me in and out and of course to wash and condition my hair as I can no longer squeeze shampoo bottles. I keep saying I need to put my shampoo etc. into pumps...but I stay as far away from stores as possible. The walking (honestly less of walking more like shuffling), the looks from people who see a young woman with nothing visibly wrong (you would actually have to look closer than passersby bother to give) but clearly in immense pain, limping, shuffling along with her cane or leaning on a buggy for support. I would rather not go through that and don't for the most part. My husband does 99% of all of the shopping.
Speaking of shopping Christmas is just around the corner and it brings tears to my eyes. The overwhelming thought of trying to get all of my shopping done...sigh. I guess this year we will be trying out on-line shopping and hoping for the best. Oops sorry for the diversion but my daughter comes by her ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) naturally!
Somewhere in the past year living stopped. Yes, technically I still breath and I am alive but I am watching life pass by with me as a bystander rather than an active participant. When my diagnosis took the wind out of my sails and my life became about learning how to live in a body that was no longer to be counted on I got lost along the way. My dreams were gone, I threw my hands in the air and focused on just getting through the day usually focused on getting through each individual hour minute by minute. I didn't consciously think of my dreams again until October 5th when Deb's blog reduced me to tears.
I have had a difficult few weeks since Deb's post. I have added being sick to my stomach daily which drains the life right out of me. At first I thought I caught a bug but since it does not get worse and the symptoms can be accounted for by active RA and medication side effects I am beginning to think I am wrong. Off to see the Dr. soon to get his opinion. I just have to find the energy to make that appointment. During this time I did however have time to think. Rather than feeling sorry for myself I focused on two things 1) Coming to terms with my diagnosis' which I will share with you in another blog. 2) What were my dreams? Are they still my dreams? What do I have to change to make those dreams possible even with my current limitations?
While I am still figuring out some things, there is one thing I do know. One must have dreams, ambitions and a purpose to life. We all need a reason to get up each and every day. My reason for living is my family: my husband, my children, my parents, my brother. One of my dreams was to work on completing a novel. There is a contest that begins November, the goal: to complete a novel in 30 days. I think it is time for me to find the links again and outline my novel and be ready to go in November. :)
A heart felt thanks to Deb for reminding me that although this is not the life I had planned on living it doesn't mean my life is not worth living! What are you dreams? What makes you get out of bed each and every day to face the world no matter how you are feeling?
© 2011 Rhonda
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